Nemesis
I realised, today I exposed myself way too much to Yung. i did remind myself to not say too much about how im dealing with new job, i dont want him to see me as being weak/lazy/incompetent. i dont want him to question the management, why did the management hire me, a person with no experience in the field.
i just need to read a lot and i need to do it quick. can you imagine, my whole life i've been ignorant, i've been going through short cuts and managed to get out of any troubles still; and now i simply have no shortcuts (maybe im not creative enough just yet). i just gotta read. READ! Reading is the one thing i don't hate but always have trouble doing.
I read slow, hard for me to pay attention, and i just can't read one line once and manage to understand it by heart. if i'm lucky, i will just need to read it twice. and to achieve that, i gota be lucky first, to be able to give my 100% concentration to what I am reading at that time.
it's just not my forte.
and after laying out all these excuses, i'm finally gona say this now,
I'm just lazy, okay. don't let me go through the hassle of going through million words, when it could be a lot easier if you just say it to me. this time, the challenge is overcoming my own weakness, my own will. I always get what i want, one way or another. never before i had to do things i dont fancy. i always got away.
well, not this time. no shortcut either. i'm just. idk, they say the challenges we need to face now is preparing us for the future.
I just had this thought at the back of my head , no matter how tempting, that i will never climb the corporate ladder because i know there's a lot of hassle and i have to deal with people too. now dealing with people is alright with me unless if they're not really people, but snakes instead. also, im not good at small talks and all this "being proper" knowing what to say to any audience. i studied english, i did not study corporate communication, you twats!
every single time i bring myself to read, i think just after a minute, i started to lose focus. it is so hard on me but God put me to this path. it was easy for me to be on this path, i guess because i am meant to be here. but, it's tough being here. i'm so used to operations and SOP, i will simply follow what is ruled and dont think so much.
i have to do a lot of thinking now, which i dont really mind, but i need some context to think about - which i can only get by reading.
i read better if it is in my hand instead of on my screen. but i can be printing every single document i wana read! it's costly, not nature friendly and time consuming when i gota figure out the printing (gota save paper and only print what i need to read-not the whole doc).
sigh... ketekunan tu aku takde la siaaa
i just need to read a lot and i need to do it quick. can you imagine, my whole life i've been ignorant, i've been going through short cuts and managed to get out of any troubles still; and now i simply have no shortcuts (maybe im not creative enough just yet). i just gotta read. READ! Reading is the one thing i don't hate but always have trouble doing.
I read slow, hard for me to pay attention, and i just can't read one line once and manage to understand it by heart. if i'm lucky, i will just need to read it twice. and to achieve that, i gota be lucky first, to be able to give my 100% concentration to what I am reading at that time.
it's just not my forte.
and after laying out all these excuses, i'm finally gona say this now,
I'm just lazy, okay. don't let me go through the hassle of going through million words, when it could be a lot easier if you just say it to me. this time, the challenge is overcoming my own weakness, my own will. I always get what i want, one way or another. never before i had to do things i dont fancy. i always got away.
well, not this time. no shortcut either. i'm just. idk, they say the challenges we need to face now is preparing us for the future.
I just had this thought at the back of my head , no matter how tempting, that i will never climb the corporate ladder because i know there's a lot of hassle and i have to deal with people too. now dealing with people is alright with me unless if they're not really people, but snakes instead. also, im not good at small talks and all this "being proper" knowing what to say to any audience. i studied english, i did not study corporate communication, you twats!
every single time i bring myself to read, i think just after a minute, i started to lose focus. it is so hard on me but God put me to this path. it was easy for me to be on this path, i guess because i am meant to be here. but, it's tough being here. i'm so used to operations and SOP, i will simply follow what is ruled and dont think so much.
i have to do a lot of thinking now, which i dont really mind, but i need some context to think about - which i can only get by reading.
i read better if it is in my hand instead of on my screen. but i can be printing every single document i wana read! it's costly, not nature friendly and time consuming when i gota figure out the printing (gota save paper and only print what i need to read-not the whole doc).
sigh... ketekunan tu aku takde la siaaa
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